this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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