so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
