he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
