You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
