hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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