so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
