Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My liver just broke up with me...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
