Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
