So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
