just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
