I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
