Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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