I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
two words...techno handjob
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
