I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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