Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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