Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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