On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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