Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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