Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
