I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
