How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
