But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize