So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
