i think my tv is drunk
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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