a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
