rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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