i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
