now i know why i became what i already was.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
