Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
