mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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