what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
