I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
