just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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