dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
