So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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