We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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