I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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