Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
