I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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