She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
