you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Congratulations! We have a period
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
