remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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