I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
