Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
