Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
MIDGETS
????
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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