Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
