I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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