woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
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I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.