woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
