just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
