I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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