Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
