I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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