I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
