omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize