if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
