the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
