when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
