would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
