I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
