The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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