My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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