My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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