i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
