Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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