Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
