I cockslap morals
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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