Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
