U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
