hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
