I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
