so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
