well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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