The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
