guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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