I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
