I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
