billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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