I think I won the penis lottery.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
