i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
