I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
