the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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