I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
