Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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