so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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