i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
