Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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