It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
